by Kelly

the weather’s turned cold

and I have turned to cooking

for warmth and comfort

by Alison

My apologies to Ryan Mecum, but I never would have picked up Zombie Haiku in a million years if Kelly had not assigned this review to me in the early stages of Haiku By Two.

You see, I hate slasher flicks. I hate blood and guts. I hate the idea of unattached limbs. And I can’t stand the current horror movie craze. Has anyone seen the trailer for the newest slash-fest Sorority Row? Ugh, don’t even get me started…

Still, Zombie Haiku was my “job” and so I went ahead and read it. Although it certainly isn’t my cup of tea (I’m with Kelly in that I prefer my imaginary worlds to contain unicorns), it turns out that Zombie Haiku is an entirely different beast than I had imagined.

Zombie Haiku is a horrifically funny little book of haiku written in story format that chronicles the day in the life of a new zombie. New zombie dude checks out and curbs his zombie appetite in the city, at a retirement home and–of course–a cornfield!

Sure it’s disgusting. But it’s B movie humor disgusting versus disgusting-disgusting. As in this haiku:

Getting trampled on

used to eventually kill you.

Now it just annoys.

Kind of funny, huh? And even this gross haiku caused me to smirk:

Elbows bend one way,

except on this guy screaming.

His bends two ways now.

Although the tone of the book is B Movie, other haiku were over the top for me and were simply disgusting-disgusting. Such as this haiku:

His finger digs deep

down the hole where his nose was

and pulls out a toe.

Okay, I can see the humor in this one, too. But still - Ick!

I must admit I enjoyed the slick and cool comic book styling of Zombie Haiku.The book is splattered with cherry kool-aid colored blood and each haiku is hand scribbled, apparently by a maddened zombie. To add to the effect, Polaroid pictures of zombies, victims, cornfields and malls are littered throughout the book.

Okay, so Zombie Haiku is nothing like that horrible Saw series of films, thank God. Instead, it’s funny and cleverly written as a haiku fantasy Zombie story, and if you are one to like a dark sense of humor, it might just give you some kicks.

by Alison

my dad sees them first -

brown-spotted wild pears that are

sweeter than they look

by Kelly

we shut out the dogs

reclaiming the master bed

just husband and wife

by Alison

wrapped like a dumpling

in crochet blankets and quilts

fighting her fever

by Kelly

radiologist

gives me an all clear and a

weight evaporates

by Alison

bickering over

status updates - my Facebook

friend or frenemy?

by Kelly

one thousand dollars

later we learn that grapes are

poisonous to dogs

by Alison

mopping up dust balls

is gratifying when there’s

company coming

by Kelly

Thank God for Vampire Haiku!

This book, by Ryan Mecum, is the second in his series of haiku books with a monster theme, and since Halloween is just around the corner, we thought a review of some scary haiku books was in order.

Mecum’s first title is Zombie Haiku, but it was so intense and frightening that I could hardly look at it. Instead, I packaged it up and shipped it to Alison (I know, I’m such a nice friend), with instructions that it was her Halloween pick to review, while I kept Vampire Haiku, Mecum’s second and far gentler book, to myself.

Vampire Haiku is in the form of a journal written entirely in 5-7-5 haiku. The journal belongs to a vampire named William Butten, and because he is vampire, the journal takes place over the course of three centuries.

The haiku recount this vampire birth:

Our first kiss was bad,

for when she began necking,

I began bleeding.

And his vampire eating habits:

Blood tastes like cherries

mixed with a lot of copper

and way too much salt.

Sprinkled throughout the journal are love haiku. William is in love with a beautiful vampy bloodsucker named Katherine. She was the vampire who turned him, yet she refused to stick around and ride out eternity with him.

He pines for her and every couple years, meets up with her over the 4th of July. There are fireworks, but then she leaves again. Then finally, one year, the same year the diary ends, William finally discovers why Katherine has been avoiding him all this time.

Sometimes the journal pages are splattered with blood. William is, after all, a vampire. Other pages hold photographs of images that correlate with his haiku. Some of these images are eerie and others are kinda gross. I flipped by those pages quickly.

See, I’m not really a monster-lovin’ sort of gal. I don’t do horror films, haunted houses or other scary Halloween stuff. It’s just not my thing. I was surprised, therefore, that I not only made it through Vampire Haiku, but that I also turned the last page thinking the whole shebang was pretty clever.

Maybe the Twilight series had something to do with this. A few months back I did read all four. Perhaps that vampire-reading experience allowed me to approach Vampire Haiku with some interest. And Twilight is mentioned in Vampire Haiku. A few times:

Those were not vampires.

If sunlight makes you sparkle,

you’re a unicorn.

Ah. Unicorns. Now that’s my kind of make-believe.