Haiku 383

Posted: under Daily Haiku, Kelly's Haiku.
Tags: , , , , , , January 18th, 2010

by Kelly

by Kelly

thwat-thump thwat-thump through

a soapy blue felt jungle –

I shift to nuetral



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2 Comments »

  • 1

    Mmmmm…. very relaxing. Why does a car wash feel like paradise? Somehow they are just so cozy….

    And I like the last line very much. A simple action breaks the descriptives in the first two lines. Yes, I am still thinking a lot about how breaks work. If I could make my list of things I want to focus on this next year with haiku, that would be one of them.

    Comment by Alison — January 18, 2010 @ 8:48 am

  • 2

    I’m glad you got the car wash. I was worried whether or not readers would get where I was. I’ve tried to write a car wash haiku a number of times and have never been happy with what I came up with.

    The first line of this one came to me while in the car wash yesterday. I changed the last line several times though. It was, at different times…

    – road salt disappears (as a seasonal reference)

    – it’s soothing in here (as it is very soothing in the car wash)

    The current version (I shift to neutral) came to me in the middle of the night. Not a season reference, but I do very much like the look of this haiku. Wide at the top and narrow at the bottom.

    Comment by Kelly — January 18, 2010 @ 3:47 pm

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