thwat-thump thwat-thump through
a soapy blue felt jungle –
I shift to nuetral
Posted: under Daily Haiku, Kelly's Haiku.
Tags: calm, cars, cleaning, driving, sounds, water, winterJanuary 18th, 2010
thwat-thump thwat-thump through
a soapy blue felt jungle –
I shift to nuetral
Mmmmm…. very relaxing. Why does a car wash feel like paradise? Somehow they are just so cozy….
And I like the last line very much. A simple action breaks the descriptives in the first two lines. Yes, I am still thinking a lot about how breaks work. If I could make my list of things I want to focus on this next year with haiku, that would be one of them.
Comment by Alison — January 18, 2010 @ 8:48 am
I’m glad you got the car wash. I was worried whether or not readers would get where I was. I’ve tried to write a car wash haiku a number of times and have never been happy with what I came up with.
The first line of this one came to me while in the car wash yesterday. I changed the last line several times though. It was, at different times…
– road salt disappears (as a seasonal reference)
– it’s soothing in here (as it is very soothing in the car wash)
The current version (I shift to neutral) came to me in the middle of the night. Not a season reference, but I do very much like the look of this haiku. Wide at the top and narrow at the bottom.
Comment by Kelly — January 18, 2010 @ 3:47 pm